Are You Actually in Love?
Love is weird. It’s this thing we chase, obsess over, and write terrible poetry about. But what if I told you that most of what we think is love... isn’t?
Even the whole, "do what you love and you never work a day in your life" is a short-sited concept.
Let’s break it down.
The Love Cycles
Love isn’t static—it moves in cycles. First, there’s the chemical high. Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin—all the feel-good chemicals flood your system. This is the part where you’re convinced they’re perfect, or that you’ve found your life’s passion. But this honeymoon phase always fades. Then what?
If it’s real, you transition to the ‘work’ stage—where love stops being just a feeling and starts being a choice.
Love vs. Infatuation
Ever heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect? It’s that thing where you get super confident about something you barely understand—then reality hits.
Same goes for love. You get a rush, think you’ve found "the one," or that you’ve discovered your calling... until the high fades and the real work starts.
People fall in love with a new city and decide to move—until they realize the weather isn’t always perfect. Same thing happens with new jobs, relationships, and hobbies. Are you in love with it? Or are you high on the idea of it?
Love is a Choice
The idea that love is purely a feeling is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. Feelings are fleeting. Love—real love—is a decision.
The Bible lays this out in 1 Corinthians 13: love is patient, kind, and doesn’t keep score. It’s not just about butterflies or chemistry. It’s action. It’s choosing to stay when things get boring, frustrating, or inconvenient.
So, do you love to travel? Or do you just love the dopamine rush of a new place? Do you love your partner? Or do you love how they make you feel right now?
Dopamine vs. Devotion
Social media has rewired us to chase dopamine like addicts. The swipe, the like, the next exciting thing. Relationships, careers, and passions are all suffering because we crave novelty over depth.
Studies show that a huge percentage of people in modern dating are driven by dopamine highs rather than long-term connection.
How to Know if It’s Real
Ask yourself:
- Do I love this when it’s inconvenient?
- Am I still committed when it’s boring?
- Do I value it beyond what it does for me?
The real test of love isn’t in the beginning—it’s in the staying.
Related Read: 10 "I Am" Statements.What do you think? Have you ever mistaken a dopamine hit for love? I think it's safe to say we all have.
